It’s not easy being a guy posing for a photo. But it’s even worse when you’re an older man trying to be a part of young women’s worlds. Most of the time you’ll end up coming off as nothing more than a creepy old man ruining a perfectly good photo… and probably their night.
*Note: All of these photos were tagged on a photo-sharing site with some variety of “creepy old man”, so these are definitely all legit.
14 - Staring-in-your-face guy
The tag on this photo was something to the effect of “That creepy old guy who kept staring into Ali’s eyes”. If your skin looks like poorly marinated beef jerky, you may want to realize that gawking at younger tail isn’t a good way to appear like a well-adjusted older man. Or sane.
13 - Dreamy guy
Staring dreamily at someone is cool if you’re a cute teenage girl. When you’re an old man with a full mustache, you merely look like you’re pondering how good their stuffed head will look above your mantle.
12 - Sneak-a-peek guy
Sneaking a peak is okay. Everyone does it. But what you don’t want to do is get caught and immortalized forever on some Web site. On the plus side, no doubt that image went into that old man’s spank bank for at least a month while his hideous wife castrated him about not taking care of the lawn gnomes.
11 - Me too guy
No matter how much you’d like to be a part of the world of these young girls, you never will be. So maybe you shouldn’t pose in their picture. Instead, discretely snip locks of their hair and make your own young woman out of it. At least then you’re only embarrassing yourself privately. And you got free hair!
10 - Mustache guy
I don’t know what it is about having a full mustache that makes you more inclined to stare at young women but these two men certainly have their game down pat. First you get the mustache, then you get the crawl space, axe, and an alibi, then you get the women.
9 - Molester guy
If you insist on posing for a photo with a younger girl, if the photo comes out with you looking like child molesting Uncle Bobby Knight, you may just want to give up on the dating scene at bars and focus more on the happening crowd at Mahjong events.
8 - Open shirt guy
Sir, no matter how open your shirt is or how much liquor you ply these ladies with, they’re not going to think you’re Juan Carlos, the Latin Lover. More likely, you’ll be seen as Rufio, That Guy Who Kept Trying to Pop Pills in That Sorority Girl’s Drink.
7 - Take a picture guy
Taking a photo with an excitement that says “I like to keep scrapbooks of all the sexy ladies I encounter” will not win you anything more than women running away in horror. On the plus side, with your sensibly fitting khakis, the world will know the joy you get from your photography pastime.
6 - Smiley guy
Sir, these ladies don’t want you in their photos or their lives. No, your ability to bug your eyes out in a really scary fashion doesn’t make you more appealing, contrary to what the special on the mating habits of the sloth on Animal Planet may have told you.
5 - Hairy shirtless guy
This guy isn’t as old as the others, just older than the girls, but seriously, odds are if you meet a group of girls and you’re shirtless and drunk and not chiseled out of stone, they probably aren’t as interested in you making sexual poses with them as you might think. Remember: Women are evil by nature and will embarrass you for their amusement. Well, slightly more so than wearing an armband with your shirtless hairy body might already be responsible for.
4 - Metal detector guy
Wish all you want, you’re not going to receive many positive reactions when you tell young girls on the beach that you want to “check where their bathing suit covers” for gold.
3 - Sweaty, comb-over guy
If there were any three things I’d say are least likely to attract a younger woman, “sweaty”, “combed over”, and “gold chain” would probably perform pretty strongly.
2 - Hockey guy
This may look like a coach but no. The caption on the photo read “Creepy old guy who came to watch us playhockey once”. Going to random hockey games and hoping to get a “stick check” probably won’t result in many pick-ups.
1 - Creepy guy
When you’re someone who looks like this guy, there is no such thing as discretion because everything you do will make you look like a big sweaty pervert. So glance away, it’s a service to society. These girls may think you’re a creep, but you probably boosted all their self esteems a couple notches today.
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